Mad Magazine’s Violent Mother Goose

from Mad Magazine’s “Violent Mother Goose”

*

THIS IS THE FILM THAT JACK MADE

 

This is the girl who’s blown away

Whose in the film that Jack made

 

This is the creep who stalks his prey

Who blasts the girl whose blown away

Who’s in the film that Jack made

 

This is the ax that splits the head

That’s swung by the creep who stalks his prey

Who blasts the girl whose blown away

Who’s in the film that Jack made

 

This is dude who winds up dead

From getting the ax that splits the head

That’s swung by the creep who stalks his prey

Who blasts the girl whose blown away

Who’s in the film that Jack made

 

This is the Salesman from Omaha

Who calls on the dude who winds up dead

From getting the ax that splits the head

That’s swung by the creep who stalks his prey

Who blasts the girl whose blown away

Who’s in the film that Jack made

 

This is the handy electric saw

That slices the Salesman from Omaha

Who calls on the dude who winds up dead

From getting the ax that splits the head

That’s swung by the creep who stalks his prey

Who blasts the girl whose blown away

Who’s in the film that Jack made

 

This is the carnage of blood and gore

That’s made by the handy electric saw

That slices the Salesman from Omaha

Who calls on the dude who winds up dead

From getting the ax that splits the head

That’s swung by the creep who stalks his prey

Who blasts the girl whose blown away

Who’s in the film that Jack made

 

These are the profits of bucks galore

That come from the carnage of blood and gore

That’s made by the handy electric saw

That slices the Salesman from Omaha

Who calls on the dude who winds up dead

From getting the ax that splits the head

That’s swung by the creep who stalks his prey

Who blasts the girl whose blown away

Who’s in the film that Jack made

*

On the Way to Saint Ives

As I was going to Saint Ives,

I met a man with seven knives

49 hand grenades,

343 razor blades,

2,401 axes…

Axes, blades, grenades, and knives;

How many different ways to die?

*

Jack Sprat

Jack Sprat can swing his bat

his wife can spray her mace;

he’ll smack her hard

when she’s off-guard;

she’ll spritz him in the face.

Jack Sprat is knocked out flat,

his wife the worst of sights,

though bitter foes

at least it shows

they’re into equal rights.

*

 

 

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5 Responses to “Mad Magazine’s Violent Mother Goose”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Omar had a little bomb, he found it filled a need
    for getting rid of all those folks with whom he disagreed
    Omar let his bomb go off without the proper care
    and now we’ve finding little bits of Omar everywhere

  2. As I was going to Saint Ives,
    I met a man with seven kniaxes
    3 axes, 14 hands grenades,
    6 hatchets, sharp as razor blades
    a bow and arrows, poisoned darts
    plus knowledge of the martial arts
    all of this may help to explain
    why he wasn’t beaten, robbed, and left to die
    like i was while going to saint ives

  3. Anonymous Says:

    I know this post is years old, but I feel I must add Jack Be Nimble, from the same issue of MAD:

    Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
    Jack meet mugger, Jack give kick
    Jack show quickness, Jack show skill
    Jack learn bullet quicker still

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