Tombstone Epitaphs of Dark Humor

Tombstone Epitaphs (Comic Horror)

Written by Drogo Empedocles



Alex Begurkle in peace sleeps below,

for he tried to reach the bathroom but was far too slow.



Sam Gremble is here lying at rest,

he barfed to death while taking a test.


Here lies NEL WEEKS …

He was just one of those freaks.


Buried beneath is Susan McCall

while playing a game she swallowed the ball.


Curled up in soil is Mat Grit,

who fell from a building and did a split.


Funny Epitaphs From Real Graves


It was a Cough

That carried him Off

It was a Coffin

They Carried him Off In


(On an attorney’s tombstone:)

Goembel, John E.


“The defense rests”


Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon me For not rising.

Ruidoso, New Mexico


Jebediah Goodwin


Born 1828 Going! Going!! Gone!!! 1876


Stranger tread

This ground with gravity.

Dentist Brown

Is filling his last cavity.


Effie Jean Robinson


Come blooming youths,

as you pass by, on these lines do cast an eye.

As you are now, so once was I;

As I am now, so must you be;

Prepare for death and follow me.

(Graffiti response: To follow you

I am not content, How do I know

Which way you went.)


Here lies Lester Moore.

Four slugs

From a forty-four.

No Les

No More.


Here lies Johnny Cole.

Who God rest his soul,

While chewing his crust

Was turned into dust.


Bill Blake

Was hanged by mistake.


Here lays Butch McGraw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.


Here lies the body

Of Margaret Bent

She kicked up her heels

And away she went.


She got a fish-bone

Stuck in her throat

and never sang

another note.


Here lies Athiest, John Doe

All dressed up and no place to go!


I told you I was sick!

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