Tombstone Epitaphs of Dark Humor

Tombstone Epitaphs (Comic Horror)

Written by Drogo Empedocles

*

BEGURKLE

Alex Begurkle in peace sleeps below,

for he tried to reach the bathroom but was far too slow.

*

R.I.P.  SAM GREMBLE

Sam Gremble is here lying at rest,

he barfed to death while taking a test.

*

Here lies NEL WEEKS …

He was just one of those freaks.

*

Buried beneath is Susan McCall

while playing a game she swallowed the ball.

*

Curled up in soil is Mat Grit,

who fell from a building and did a split.

******

Funny Epitaphs From Real Graves

*

It was a Cough

That carried him Off

It was a Coffin

They Carried him Off In

*

(On an attorney’s tombstone:)

Goembel, John E.

1867-1946

“The defense rests”

*

Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon me For not rising.

Ruidoso, New Mexico

*

Jebediah Goodwin

Auctioneer

Born 1828 Going! Going!! Gone!!! 1876

*

Stranger tread

This ground with gravity.

Dentist Brown

Is filling his last cavity.

*

Effie Jean Robinson

1897-1922

Come blooming youths,

as you pass by, on these lines do cast an eye.

As you are now, so once was I;

As I am now, so must you be;

Prepare for death and follow me.

(Graffiti response: To follow you

I am not content, How do I know

Which way you went.)

*

Here lies Lester Moore.

Four slugs

From a forty-four.

No Les

No More.

*

Here lies Johnny Cole.

Who God rest his soul,

While chewing his crust

Was turned into dust.

*

Bill Blake

Was hanged by mistake.

*

Here lays Butch McGraw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.

*

Here lies the body

Of Margaret Bent

She kicked up her heels

And away she went.

*

She got a fish-bone

Stuck in her throat

and never sang

another note.

*

Here lies Athiest, John Doe

All dressed up and no place to go!

*

I told you I was sick!

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