Thoughts on Collaboration
When cooperating with a friend on a project, if they say that they cannot do something a certain way, you can try to negotiate or take time to understand what they are talking about; or else just let them do it their way, and try to be less egotistical about it in the end. Usually most people hold resentment, as though their vision incarnate in an alternate reality would have been better than the real result.
Relations are like tests, the way they are written and graded is at least as important as the way they are taken. When taking the test we may feel we are doing well or failing, but the final grade may be the opposite of what you thought it would be. This risk does not mean the test is not worth taking. Retests may be available, but are often optional. As many times as we take a test, higher scores may not be possible.
In the dance of relations, whether business or friends, find out what will work to facilitate trade, then do it with confident trust. Those that break faith, substantially determine the length of the dance. Less will-power, less dance. Too much egotistic selfishness and the dance will end badly, it takes balance to sustain the dance and desire to dance well.
Work with people that honestly love you AND what you bring to the project. If you get the sense that you appreciate their stuff more than they appreciate yours, be very cautious as they can turn on you due to selfish egotism. Confidence is arrogance when it ultimately ignores friendship for selfish pride. If their selfishness trumps their concern and interest of you, stop working with them asap*. Despite the popular saying “do not mix business and pleasure (friendship)”, and advice that goes along with it due to bad experiences, friends (I mean the best kind of friends) are actually the best people to have partnerships with, provided things are fairly equal or at least good-will based and more pleasure is had by the exchanges, than regret. Some of us prefer to work with ones that love us, because they understand and respect our limitations and gifts; and still want to include us in their lives and projects.
On Living and Working Together – (see main article)
When part of most days are spent doing things with each-other, we should realize it is a partner relationship, and it is very important to evaluate functionality and success whether the goal is just happiness or a project. You cannot really understand who people are, unless you have serious lengthy interactions; and if you cannot spend hours with each-other, pushing, pulling, and in silence, then just realize you do not really know them well enough for major partnership decisions. Even when you have lived with another, which is even harder than long distance, there are things about them which will not make sense to you. It is only through meditation on the shared living experiences and communications, comparing and contrasting ideas and results, words and actions, good and bad feelings, can we have a real basis for knowing if who they are works with who you are sustainably enough to live happily together. This is not to say that anyone is perfectly good to themselves or others all the time, but we can only know relative to our own experiences and wisdom. Desire to do something with partners cannot be so selfish it excludes them; we succeed or fail together with group projects.
Facebook has made it clear to me, that text messages (no matter how personal), are not a true substitute for the kind of testing that must be done in person eventually. However, less challenging communication you have, the less prepared you will be to handle each-other when the hardest tests come. The best indicator that you cannot work together, is if both people harbor more resentment than love consistently.
* ps – get at least one second opinion about what you think they are being selfish about, and if you can have a long personal conversation about it with your partner… DO IT!!! If it is clear that they really do not care about your feelings or they don’t care about your well-being, then take steps as soon as possible to end the relations and cease working on anything related to them.