Open Letter to the National Security Agency

“Dear NSA, I hope you are listening because I heard a really cool plan to kidnap a gaggle of corporate politicians. Someone said that the CIA had a plan to put bags over the heads of the all most ignorant trumpsters, throw them in a van, and take them to a secure secret location… you know the one. Then those idiots will be forced to watch nature documentaries for many days while being told they are loved by a Pagan Goddess. Finally after they are starving and broken, they will be released naked into the wild. I can’t tell you who I heard this conspiracy from, because then I would have to spank you (plus I cannot recall as Reagan and every politician says that is ever put on trial for war crimes). The FBI already threatened to blackmail and torture me, but they are just jealous of the CIA. Please try your hardest to monitor any communications about this plot, as I am very worried that someone’s feelings might be hurt. I suggest spending millions of dollars of taxes from the poor and middle-class, like you normally do. Love, Bright Bard”

– from a new fiction book, Trumpster Gate: A Conspiracy Theory

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