Archive for the relationships Category

We Dub Thee Undeserving

Posted in Cooperative collaboration, Ethics & Morals, Poems, Psychology, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 10, 2019 by Drogo

Those we deem undeserving of compassion due to their inability to care about our feelings, have probably not learned enough about compassion to know they need it the most, even if they do not want it from us. These are people that do not know how to give love enough for people to want to give it back to them; or they place too many limits on their love it counter-acts the little they give to most relations; or they expect love without having to give the same in return. The statement was inspired by a reformed neo-Nazi, after he described changing his life focus from hate to compassion. i added “we deem” because who is to judge? We are. People do. Sometimes for self-defense and good reasons. Limited love and reasonable compassion are realistic to be able to give to even some of the worst people; ie some mercy… While being able to defend our own lives. writing about types of sustained love is writing about desire for emotional balance often. When we call people whores or sluts just because they will not only be with us, ironically it is us who is less affectionate than the person we are accusing of being too affectionate with too many people. They might be disloyal to us, or may have hurt us; but we become undeserving of love if we try to ruin their lives more than they hurt us.

That kind of emotional vengeance no matter how justified, makes us into monsters as much as any of the thousands of liars in history.

Whores can be affectionate to those they like, so it has less to do with careers and more to do with ability to be compassionate. Loyal people can abuse the frickin hell out of people, and loyalty is not necessary for being nice to strangers for example, or letting someone go that feels abused.

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Sluts & Whores Can Be Nice

Posted in Ethics & Morals, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on November 25, 2018 by Drogo

Yes the terms are loaded, but it is time to disarm.

People that like having sex with multiple partners (sluts aka nympho-maniacs) or people that have sex with multiple partners as work (whores aka prostitutes), can be very nice people and actually go out of their way not to hurt others. It is ironic therefore that when people use those terms to insult people they do not like, often the person labeling them is revealing them-self to be mean. There is nothing about being a slut or a whore that means they also have to be a mean bitch.

Sluts and whores can consider themselves polyamorous depending on how they define love or sex. Polyamorous people can have sex with other partners mutually without making promises and then either keeping them or breaking promises as is the convention for courtship dating and monogamous marriage relationships. These terms all are very loaded with connotations and often people have expectations about different people and relationships based on what they think is normal and what is hypocritical. They often assume that people have made promises or that people should not be allowed to change their minds about promises regarding their own lives and bodies, and with all that comes the negative results of unbridled jealousy, hatred, and anger that seeks punishment for not possessing the object of their desires in all the ways they want.

Does this mean that everyone should be a slut or a whore?? No of course not, but it is time to end bigotry against sexual people, many of which are very nice people who just want to be affectionate and enjoy life, or make money. Some whores for example have only one customer with a contract, some call it marriage. Some sluts are more social butterflies than anything else. If people are asexual or like dating to marry fine, do your thing; just please do not attack those who do not fit within the ‘norm’.

Humans are not the only animals that tend to be naturally polyamorous, despite that some are monogamous or abstinent for various reasons; the point being that humans can be both, and sometimes within the same life. Nothing against anyone who does not want to be identified by these terms, but I still hear these words used as insults regardless of how true the labels might be. Probably most people are referring to broken promises or ambitious expectations when they use the words as insults, the purpose being slander based on assumptions and gossip. People can be loyal in many ways to people they love in many different ways, sex is just one issue that gets attention. As far as personalities and relationships go, sex is over-rated in defining those, and under-rated in its potential to increase health for all who enjoy it.

Here are some good articles that help to break the tradition of abuse that comes with slut-shaming and whore-hating:

https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/slut-shaming-life-lessons-how-sex-positivity-helps-mental-health

https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/5-reasons-time-end-shaming/905860

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/bn5vwq/being-a-slag-is-a-virtue-not-a-vice-paris-lees

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-bejeezus-out-me/201406/whats-really-behind-slut-shaming

“This debate about promiscuity is about judging and shaming people—thinking that you know what’s best for them. ” – Vice article

“As for the term “slut,” sometimes its use had no connection to sexual activity—it was a way to say “I don’t like that person,”” – Psychology Today

“Sex isn’t a bad thing. IT’S NONE OF ANYONE’S DAMN BUSINESS…Sex should be between the two or three or however many people are involved in the intercourse and no one else. ” – Elite Daily

 

Napoleonic Complex Bigotry

Posted in Critical Commentary of Civilization, Psychology, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 9, 2018 by Drogo

Sizeism is a real thing, more so than the Napoleonic Complex; because for clarification Napoleon was actually 5 feet 7 inches tall, which is basically the average height of our time. Therefore Napoleon was being bullied by a foreign leader for being shorter, while not actually being shorter than average. This is typical of society to bully shorter people, which can result in reactionary competition against the larger assholes. All kinds of people can be bullied, but it is built into the fabric of society to be prejudice more against shorter people probably about as much as shy or weak people. When a person is short, shy, and weak their suffering can be terrible. Most artificial objects are made for average height or taller. Adult short people are made to shop in the children’s section, and not taken seriously because they are less intimidating in stature. Women often say they prefer ‘Tall, dark, and handsome” men, but will often just simply say they like ‘tall’ men more than any other feature (including personality traits or wealth). It should also be noted that women are often discounted from equal rights based on body size and strength issues related to their general muscle size.

Sizeism – prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s size.

There are studies in favor of saying that short people are more violent and angry, but it is more probable that short people compensate to compete with larger assholes which may be simply more commonly accepted by society, despite clear bullying.

[to be continued]

Mutual Symbiotic Intention

Posted in relationships, Spiritual, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on September 3, 2018 by Drogo

mutual symbiotic intention in relations – substantial biological success and sustainable deep full spectrum communication or cooperation is needed to maintain symbiotic stasis equality with a focus on mutual goals. Mutual Goals are achieved by dreaming, planning, and doing together. Love is the key, wishing is the window, doing is the door. Techniques can be explained for each step of a process of change, but the desire must be serious for the commitment to compel like addiction. In various communities and individuals symbiotic intention can be both philosophical and spiritual in practice. Buckminster Fuller referred to this engineering aspect of architecture as ‘synergy‘, integral structural integrity that is greater than the sum of its parts. Social challenges progress as new social issues become concerns regarding the roles of various types of characters in society (men, women, hybrid genders, children, racial hybrids, leaders, workers, etc). Social balance or utopian equilibrium is often a goal of politics and religions; however how to evaluate evolving success is an interesting subject. Synchronicity is related to synergy and symbiosis in a holistic space and time correlation. Commensal symbiotic exchange is one-sided where one benefits and the other is unaffected. Parasitic symbiosis is ‘predator vs prey’ or ‘vampiric’, and to be avoided in relationships to both avoid being a victim, and to avoid being an abusive psychopath.

Symbiosis = “any type of close sustained interaction between two different biological organisms, be it mutual, commensal, or parasitic. The organisms, each termed a symbiont, may be of the same or of different species. Symbiosis is also classified by physical attachment; symbiosis in which the organisms have bodily union is called conjunctive symbiosis, and symbiosis in which they are not in union is called disjunctive symbiosis.” – Wikipedia

Synergy = “the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.” – Google Dictionary

Synchronicity = “the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.” – Google Dictionary

“For with the picture in the tapestry a new element has come in: the picture is greater than, and not explained by, the sum of the component threads.” – JRR Tolkien

Community Communication

Posted in Cooperatives / Communities / Networks / Travels, news, Politics, relationships, SCOD Council, Sustainability, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on July 21, 2018 by Drogo

It is part of SCOD work to learn how all different people communicate despite all kinds of boundaries and responses, and also when communication breaks down and fails to be helpful. or in light of sensitive issues, how to still have at least contact with “others”, while accepting avoidance to various degrees is inevitable.

Knocking on doors as a neighbor is an interesting phenomenon. Calling people on phones is another. Texting is one of the newest forms of technological communication. Public notices are a way to communicate in communal or common areas, but it becomes less personal and more prone to faceless propaganda “news”, because there is no dialog possible.

An apology for “bothering” someone by contacting them is considered polite, because it is assumed that regardless of whether the person wants to talk or not, it is very possible they might feel bothered or threatened by a perceived “invasion of their personal space”, even if some distance is kept between physical bodies and messaging is kept to a practical minimum while within public or common areas or being far apart using technology. However even sales people and religious missionaries will use this polite procedure, and thus the very act of starting with an apology can be seen as a beginning to an impersonal sales pitch, and adds to the length of the contact the more one acts concerned for the possible emotional disturbance of another. It is still probably acceptable with most people to use a simple general blanket apology, even if the person initiating contact is going out of their comfort zone to contact the other, which bothers the bold person simultaneously and possibly more, as the person initiating contact can feel just as vulnerable as the one being contacted, since we can be sensitive to responses no matter who contacted who first at any given time, regardless of whether the timing does or does not seem reasonable to any number of people. It can be assumed that people can consider themselves “busy” even when they are relaxing for mental health reasons.

The cyclic aspects of communication easily lends itself to circular thinking which can frustrate the best communicators. Sometimes, some people can push past the fear involved with taking a risk to reach out an contact others, despite that they might make themselves a target by their own aggressive pro-action actions. When and who and how are interesting questions, but there are mysteries of life that we can best know only by trying and then reflecting on the experience after time has passed. This uncertainty puts many of us into introverted states of paralyzed fear, but heroes and villains are those that break those boundaries. Compassionate communication in tone and scope is a quality that can determine who is a kind saint or hero of the people, as opposed to flip-side uncaring communication of a harassing gad-fly or villain of society (at least with intuitive perception, which can be wrong).

Communication with some people will be doomed, as they do not want to be bothered at any time for anything, by anyone (like Oscar the Grouch, a grumpy curmudgeon). Even when someone is just in a bad mood, they can be argumentative for periods of time with no sights on conflict resolution; and that can lead to chaos. In cases of depression those chaotic periods can be long, and when it happens over and over as a pattern it can become abusive to everyone involved. How often can we all be happy enough to communicate at the same time about the same things with others? How much can we influence others to be compassionate about our own concerns while remaining ethical and not overly-manipulative? The best wise advice seems to be just be yourself, and show other people by example how to communicate by practicing with all your flaws and attributes.

Round Table vs Owning ‘Equals’

Posted in relationships, Religions, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2018 by Drogo

This essay was inspired by my love of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.

Round_Table

Main lessons of Arthurian Legends = Round Table: Good, Violence over Jealousy: Bad.

One of the stories within the legends focused on the Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot love triangle as being ‘doomed’ by its very nature; a tragic assumption which I hope to show is just the wrong way to learn from the past. It is easy for a testosterone bully or romance junky to say “the main lesson is to be faithful to the laws of marriage and the Bible, and never ‘cheat’ or ‘take’ another man’s wife”. Monogamy terms of possession are worth entire essays alone, but should envy itself truly always lead to misfortune? Celtic sensibility and wisdom of the Goddess argues against such immature interpretations. In our youth, we may be forgiven such hormonal and primal envy, but as adults we should be more considerate about the meaning of Love.

Christian culture has viewed women as possessions, and loyalty in marriage to be based entirely on spouses ‘owning’ each-other’s bodies and hearts. Owning hearts, minds, and bodies until death has often been a form of self-imposed but culturally encouraged and enforced slavery (certainly there have been blissfully happy mutual slaves that lead fairy-tale romance lives without much fighting or if there was tons it was worth it). Fidelity of monogamy often infamously leads to immoral behavior such as fits of rage and violence against people who are considered objects of jealousy. Property rights over people as cause for war was infamous in Homer’s ‘Iliad’ (Fall of Troy), and this illogical false justice has been perpetually mistaken as righteous wrath even by adults ever since.

Promises we make to each-other probably should be more attuned to who we are as people, and respect reasonable individual tendencies and realistic expectations based on natural desires and evolving social ethics. Possessing someone’s heart or even shared holding of bodily space, is not the same as ownership.

Friendship is the best basis for any relations. Can’t we all just get along? Some will always say “no”, and good luck to those making the best of things no matter the labels.

Owning Others as Partners or Parents

Posted in relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2018 by Drogo

Saying that a loved one is “yours” may not be the exact same as most forms of slavery, but that mentality does have serious and dangerous problems. i stand by my conviction that possession of people leads to violence and abuse. People can seem totally in love owning eachother, until one doesnt want to be owned anymore by the other; then the concept of “you are mine” becomes psychotic. i know because ive felt those emotions, and ive witnessed others acting insane due to those feelings; most of us have as it is part of popular culture. Ownership of children is another problematic aspect of culture that has allowed for countless cases of abuse or neglect of all kinds. Letting go of this attitude is much easier said than done. Obviously there are positive aspects to this kind of attachment and co-dependency; such as defending or supporting one’s partner. Feelings of responsibility for helping other people should never go away entirely, as it is an important part of human relations and society, but our current cultural problems are related to individual civil rights.

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