Archive for the relationships Category

Poem on Death or Loss

Posted in dreams, Memorials / Obituaries / Epitaphs, Poems, Poems, Rhymes, Riddles, relationships, Spiritual, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2019 by Drogo

My gardens, my pets, my friends, my family… those I lose are still with me every day and every night. i still see, hear, and feel them around me and inside me. im always reminded of those things that make me who i am. the things i lose are alive in my dreams or in the presence of other things. Sometimes my dreams of my dead father being alive feel very real. To be remembered is not a depressing concept it is the dying and absence aspects that hurt; but only in forgetting is there absence of our conscious minds; but that is limited absence in the totality of being. 

– Drogo

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Heart Matters More Than Mind

Posted in Ethics & Morals, Psychology, Rationality & Logic, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 5, 2019 by Drogo

This theme of ‘love vs intelligence’ probably first became an issue for me from studying the fantasy works about Oz, regarding the Tin Man and the Scarecrow. It also involved arguing with dad about having ‘stupid friends’ who were not very smart. my gentle giant friend Fruity would admit he was not very ‘book smart’; he would do stupid stuff to amuse me to show how strong he was. Dad and i debated about whether i could have friends that were mentally challenged; defined by IQ, or speech, or behavior, or even looks i suppose. humility in a personality makes me sympathetic; what comes to mind for examples are caring for a pet or care-giving for an ‘idiot’ or foolish loved one. So taken to extremes: Heart (Compassion) symbolizes caring for family by wanting them with us; and Mind (Intellect) symbolizes personal or collective function as more important than emotional sentiment that would hinder our egos. Often my mind tries to protect my heart, by distancing emotional triggers; and sometimes family relations are issues.

One time when i was arguing with my father about things in life, i said “heart matters more than mind”; what i meant was caring means more than intelligence to me. As much as my father and i loved knowledge, and we placed value in being smart and getting good grades, I was trying to create a foundation level of compassion between us as i was becoming and adult who had to live up to his expectations. Dad’s understanding of what i meant was a bonding moment between us over the years. I certainly got all kinds of grades in schools, including straight A’s some years, but mainly A’s and B’s. In college i graduated with honors and a Masters Degree in Architecture; and certainly intellectually i knew even when i had that talk with Dad, that what i called ‘heart’ was really emotional and ethical compassion in our minds, and not the anatomical organ (although pumping blood is vital and health is systemic).

In conclusion, regarding passion drives that control how we use rationality or our kinds of logic we integrate in our personality (see SCOD research of types of logic with Rock Wheeler), Heart (or Love) matters more as a motivational drive, because emotions are combined within us as instinctual survival mechanisms to help us at least get the basics and have some satisfaction thriving if we can feel the rewards of success. Brains (Intellect) or our Rational Minds are clearly important for basic functions as well, and vital for higher functions like wisdom that weighs emotion and knowledge (like a super-ego). Humans need both Heart and Mind, of course; but to me Heart (compassionate emotion) matters more as it drives will-power. It should be said that the balance between the two, back and forth, is how we make sure we prioritize care about the correct things, animals, or people in life. So why do I still say ‘Heart matters more than Mind’? I say it because LOVING ‘feels’ more important than the tool of logic (which is very useful too, don’t be jealous logic, I care about you too).

Love you Dad, Drogo

Friendship Is A Relationship

Posted in Cooperative collaboration, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on February 12, 2019 by Drogo

Friendship is a type of relationship. So when people say they just want to be friends and not lovers, they should realize that being friends is still a type of relationship. Friendship is like a bubble balance of the space between us; too much space and it stretches thin, too little space and pressure shrinks it. Everyone is different in every combination, decide what feels right to you, and if someone else does not feel right, then it will not feel right to you.

relation-ships

We Dub Thee Undeserving

Posted in Cooperative collaboration, Ethics & Morals, Poems, Psychology, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 10, 2019 by Drogo

Those we deem undeserving of compassion due to their inability to care about our feelings, have probably not learned enough about compassion to know they need it the most, even if they do not want it from us. These are people that do not know how to give love enough for people to want to give it back to them; or they place too many limits on their love it counter-acts the little they give to most relations; or they expect love without having to give the same in return. The statement was inspired by a reformed neo-Nazi, after he described changing his life focus from hate to compassion. i added “we deem” because who is to judge? We are. People do. Sometimes for self-defense and good reasons. Limited love and reasonable compassion are realistic to be able to give to even some of the worst people; ie some mercy… While being able to defend our own lives. writing about types of sustained love is writing about desire for emotional balance often. When we call people whores or sluts just because they will not only be with us, ironically it is us who is less affectionate than the person we are accusing of being too affectionate with too many people. They might be disloyal to us, or may have hurt us; but we become undeserving of love if we try to ruin their lives more than they hurt us.

That kind of emotional vengeance no matter how justified, makes us into monsters as much as any of the thousands of liars in history.

Whores can be affectionate to those they like, so it has less to do with careers and more to do with ability to be compassionate. Loyal people can abuse the frickin hell out of people, and loyalty is not necessary for being nice to strangers for example, or letting someone go that feels abused.

Sluts & Whores Can Be Nice

Posted in Ethics & Morals, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on November 25, 2018 by Drogo

Yes the terms are loaded, but it is time to disarm.

People that like having sex with multiple partners (sluts aka nympho-maniacs) or people that have sex with multiple partners as work (whores aka prostitutes), can be very nice people and actually go out of their way not to hurt others. It is ironic therefore that when people use those terms to insult people they do not like, often the person labeling them is revealing them-self to be mean. There is nothing about being a slut or a whore that means they also have to be a mean bitch.

Sluts and whores can consider themselves polyamorous depending on how they define love or sex. Polyamorous people can have sex with other partners mutually without making promises and then either keeping them or breaking promises as is the convention for courtship dating and monogamous marriage relationships. These terms all are very loaded with connotations and often people have expectations about different people and relationships based on what they think is normal and what is hypocritical. They often assume that people have made promises or that people should not be allowed to change their minds about promises regarding their own lives and bodies, and with all that comes the negative results of unbridled jealousy, hatred, and anger that seeks punishment for not possessing the object of their desires in all the ways they want.

Does this mean that everyone should be a slut or a whore?? No of course not, but it is time to end bigotry against sexual people, many of which are very nice people who just want to be affectionate and enjoy life, or make money. Some whores for example have only one customer with a contract, some call it marriage. Some sluts are more social butterflies than anything else. If people are asexual or like dating to marry fine, do your thing; just please do not attack those who do not fit within the ‘norm’.

Humans are not the only animals that tend to be naturally polyamorous, despite that some are monogamous or abstinent for various reasons; the point being that humans can be both, and sometimes within the same life. Nothing against anyone who does not want to be identified by these terms, but I still hear these words used as insults regardless of how true the labels might be. Probably most people are referring to broken promises or ambitious expectations when they use the words as insults, the purpose being slander based on assumptions and gossip. People can be loyal in many ways to people they love in many different ways, sex is just one issue that gets attention. As far as personalities and relationships go, sex is over-rated in defining those, and under-rated in its potential to increase health for all who enjoy it.

Here are some good articles that help to break the tradition of abuse that comes with slut-shaming and whore-hating:

https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/slut-shaming-life-lessons-how-sex-positivity-helps-mental-health

https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/5-reasons-time-end-shaming/905860

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/bn5vwq/being-a-slag-is-a-virtue-not-a-vice-paris-lees

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-bejeezus-out-me/201406/whats-really-behind-slut-shaming

“This debate about promiscuity is about judging and shaming people—thinking that you know what’s best for them. ” – Vice article

“As for the term “slut,” sometimes its use had no connection to sexual activity—it was a way to say “I don’t like that person,”” – Psychology Today

“Sex isn’t a bad thing. IT’S NONE OF ANYONE’S DAMN BUSINESS…Sex should be between the two or three or however many people are involved in the intercourse and no one else. ” – Elite Daily

 

Napoleonic Complex Bigotry

Posted in Critical Commentary of Civilization, Psychology, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 9, 2018 by Drogo

Sizeism is a real thing, more so than the Napoleonic Complex; because for clarification Napoleon was actually 5 feet 7 inches tall, which is basically the average height of our time. Therefore Napoleon was being bullied by a foreign leader for being shorter, while not actually being shorter than average. This is typical of society to bully shorter people, which can result in reactionary competition against the larger assholes. All kinds of people can be bullied, but it is built into the fabric of society to be prejudice more against shorter people probably about as much as shy or weak people. When a person is short, shy, and weak their suffering can be terrible. Most artificial objects are made for average height or taller. Adult short people are made to shop in the children’s section, and not taken seriously because they are less intimidating in stature. Women often say they prefer ‘Tall, dark, and handsome” men, but will often just simply say they like ‘tall’ men more than any other feature (including personality traits or wealth). It should also be noted that women are often discounted from equal rights based on body size and strength issues related to their general muscle size.

Sizeism – prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s size.

There are studies in favor of saying that short people are more violent and angry, but it is more probable that short people compensate to compete with larger assholes which may be simply more commonly accepted by society, despite clear bullying.

[to be continued]

Mutual Symbiotic Intention

Posted in relationships, Spiritual, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on September 3, 2018 by Drogo

mutual symbiotic intention in relations – substantial biological success and sustainable deep full spectrum communication or cooperation is needed to maintain symbiotic stasis equality with a focus on mutual goals. Mutual Goals are achieved by dreaming, planning, and doing together. Love is the key, wishing is the window, doing is the door. Techniques can be explained for each step of a process of change, but the desire must be serious for the commitment to compel like addiction. In various communities and individuals symbiotic intention can be both philosophical and spiritual in practice. Buckminster Fuller referred to this engineering aspect of architecture as ‘synergy‘, integral structural integrity that is greater than the sum of its parts. Social challenges progress as new social issues become concerns regarding the roles of various types of characters in society (men, women, hybrid genders, children, racial hybrids, leaders, workers, etc). Social balance or utopian equilibrium is often a goal of politics and religions; however how to evaluate evolving success is an interesting subject. Synchronicity is related to synergy and symbiosis in a holistic space and time correlation. Commensal symbiotic exchange is one-sided where one benefits and the other is unaffected. Parasitic symbiosis is ‘predator vs prey’ or ‘vampiric’, and to be avoided in relationships to both avoid being a victim, and to avoid being an abusive psychopath.

Symbiosis = “any type of close sustained interaction between two different biological organisms, be it mutual, commensal, or parasitic. The organisms, each termed a symbiont, may be of the same or of different species. Symbiosis is also classified by physical attachment; symbiosis in which the organisms have bodily union is called conjunctive symbiosis, and symbiosis in which they are not in union is called disjunctive symbiosis.” – Wikipedia

Synergy = “the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.” – Google Dictionary

Synchronicity = “the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.” – Google Dictionary

“For with the picture in the tapestry a new element has come in: the picture is greater than, and not explained by, the sum of the component threads.” – JRR Tolkien