Sluts & Whores Can Be Nice

Yes the terms are loaded, but it is time to disarm.

People that like having sex with multiple partners (sluts aka nympho-maniacs) or people that have sex with multiple partners as work (whores aka prostitutes), can be very nice people and actually go out of their way not to hurt others. It is ironic therefore that when people use those terms to insult people they do not like, often the person labeling them is revealing them-self to be mean. There is nothing about being a slut or a whore that means they also have to be a mean bitch.

Sluts and whores can consider themselves polyamorous depending on how they define love or sex. Polyamorous people can have sex with other partners mutually without making promises and then either keeping them or breaking promises as is the convention for courtship dating and monogamous marriage relationships. These terms all are very loaded with connotations and often people have expectations about different people and relationships based on what they think is normal and what is hypocritical. They often assume that people have made promises or that people should not be allowed to change their minds about promises regarding their own lives and bodies, and with all that comes the negative results of unbridled jealousy, hatred, and anger that seeks punishment for not possessing the object of their desires in all the ways they want.

Does this mean that everyone should be a slut or a whore?? No of course not, but it is time to end bigotry against sexual people, many of which are very nice people who just want to be affectionate and enjoy life, or make money. Some whores for example have only one customer with a contract, some call it marriage. Some sluts are more social butterflies than anything else. If people are asexual or like dating to marry fine, do your thing; just please do not attack those who do not fit within the ‘norm’.

Humans are not the only animals that tend to be naturally polyamorous, despite that some are monogamous or abstinent for various reasons; the point being that humans can be both, and sometimes within the same life. Nothing against anyone who does not want to be identified by these terms, but I still hear these words used as insults regardless of how true the labels might be. Probably most people are referring to broken promises or ambitious expectations when they use the words as insults, the purpose being slander based on assumptions and gossip. People can be loyal in many ways to people they love in many different ways, sex is just one issue that gets attention. As far as personalities and relationships go, sex is over-rated in defining those, and under-rated in its potential to increase health for all who enjoy it.

Here are some good articles that help to break the tradition of abuse that comes with slut-shaming and whore-hating:

https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/slut-shaming-life-lessons-how-sex-positivity-helps-mental-health

https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/5-reasons-time-end-shaming/905860

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/bn5vwq/being-a-slag-is-a-virtue-not-a-vice-paris-lees

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-bejeezus-out-me/201406/whats-really-behind-slut-shaming

“This debate about promiscuity is about judging and shaming people—thinking that you know what’s best for them. ” – Vice article

“As for the term “slut,” sometimes its use had no connection to sexual activity—it was a way to say “I don’t like that person,”” – Psychology Today

“Sex isn’t a bad thing. IT’S NONE OF ANYONE’S DAMN BUSINESS…Sex should be between the two or three or however many people are involved in the intercourse and no one else. ” – Elite Daily

 

Polyamory: Expanding Love

Polyamorous Definition of Love: To me polyamory is a belief that people can love more than one person, while working to not let jealousy ruin friendship based relations with a core of love. Sexuality, romance, and other more intimate types of love are secondary to the core belief in love for others (-poly can mean many, but literally just means 3 or more). There are several modes of feeling and thinking that we feel as humans, as we involve ourselves in relationships or religion or whatever. In relations some of our mode types include: social, sexual, intellectual, and financial. Some types of relationships include: stranger, acquaintance, friend, family, lover, and partner.

Much Love, Love of Many

Love; It is all about the Love! Do it for the love.

Love yourself, love your work, and love others.

Take care, give care, and share care!!!

I live Life to Love, passionately expressed through my art. My art includes my drawing, writing, playing, or gardening. My art is a way of loving myself, the subject, and the audience; this kind of love has something to do with willingness to share. I’m open to some types of affection from some types of people, and closed to others. Poly people, might be more open than others, but never really totally. We all have boundaries, limits, preferences. We can be very loyal in many ways, and in others we are free to resist control or abuse.

The theory of Unconditional Love is ‘to give is to receive’. Giving love away to others freely, expands our capacity for love and makes us feel good with empathy. Infinite abundance is also an important concept with Unconditional Love, as though we are fountains overflowing with endless compassion. Everyone gains when we truly love ourselves and others. ‘Love is letting go of fear’, as the book by the same name says. Anger about abuse is of course a reason to place limits on love.

Historic gender roles and traditional marriage have often hindered social acceptance of polyamory in many ways legally and religiously. Gay rights and sexual freedoms are polyamorous natural human rights, for those that respect the love of others. People often over-look the fact that people can be loyal to more than one friend or family member, and faithfully love them. Could you imagine if family members had to pick only one other member of their family to be loyal to? “Sorry Mom & Dad, and other kids, I only chose little Timmy to love and be affectionate towards, don’t ask me to cheat on him. If I told you guys I loved you, I would be unfaithful to him.” Rubbish.

Many people normally do not think about how other people make art, because they have cultural barriers to ‘over-standing’ (as Rastas say) other modes of thought. There is a saying: ‘happy people do not have the best of everything, they make the best of everything they have’. I believe in Love, and it can be indeed, all we need for happiness (thriving in community).

“Love thy neighbor.” – The Bible

“All we need is Love, Love is all we need!” – The Beatles

“Compassion is the ultimate source of success in life.” – Dalai Lama

“We still talk about LOVE in much the same way as the ancients described the effect that the ‘will of the gods’ had on the human psyche (which led to problems).” – Professor Holland

The Greeks saw any human problems as being made by gods, even problems of love; things that we do that seem beyond our own control. Love is the best kind of madness and self-delusion. ‘Romance and Tragedy’ are intertwined; chaotic passion leads to inevitable loss, like in “Romeo & Juliet” by Shakespeare. However ‘Romance and Comedy’ are combined in many other scripts, showing that ludicrous lust can win happiness. Love can bring us much happiness and sorrow; comedy and tragedy.

Ok, how about other emotions or moods that are related to Love? At SCAD one of my fellow class-mates, an African-American brother, got jazzed about ‘Tranquility’ and the ‘Blues’. He literally was designing using soothing shapes and cool blue colors. It would be wonderful to have the power to instantly be with loved ones, always have their full attention when you want it, and care about the same things at the same time. It would be a constant miracle if we never felt bad, and always agreed on everything. When we care less about disagreements, we can cease wanting to argue about every syllable. Common patterns of argumentative dialog can lead easily to abuse. Initial attraction is not a good reason to want to live with someone.

To decide if someone is really good for a long-term relationship, it is proven by them actually communicating or being with you, and wanting to be with you while they are with you. The long-term relationship test can be shown through friendship, or by their other ‘more than friend’ skills. Friendship is the best basis for any relationship; business, sexual, or anything. The truth about relationships that most people do not want to admit, is that relationships do not have to include sex and do include family and friends. Many cousins have long term relations, and like ships they come and go over a long period of time.

To try to suss-out rationally if some-one has potential with you, you have to discuss issues, and figure out logically (without emotion) if the other person follows through on what they say. At what point is love mutual; when people are moody, have periods of ill communication, and go through phases? This process of relating to others takes years, which creates a relationship during a period of time. Experience shows that one relationship is not reliable as a predictable model; as through-out history people have had divorces and affairs which went against unreasonable vows. All types of relations come and go, while some stay with us longer than others; this is how it always has been, regardless of labels.

Most relationships are people just thrown directly into intense emotions and living conditions together, for perceived convenience and loneliness; with-out evaluating planning, education, or training. Many people will never be ‘in the mood’ to know what friendship means and build strong friendships that partners deserve. Partners should want to speak to each-other, as they would like to be spoken to; and they should want interaction every day and night; and yet some how also be ok when they are apart for any period of time. Is it too much to ask? 

Abuse is one of the common social problems that happens all too often. So many business partners and lovers abuse each-other, because they are not really friends; they do not know that to be friends you have to really like the other person enough to not hate them. Learning how to be good friends is not intuitive for everyone, but can be taught. I have always felt uneasy about making decisions about communication based on my impressions of what their words and behaviors mean. People think that being friends in a relationship is less important than romantic relationships or living together; because of the perceived social value of monogamy. If you want to trust another person sexually, being friendly is a good start. To live together well, or to do good business, friendship is very important.

Relationships

There are many kinds of relationships. Traditional terms are misleading, so we are making new terms to define the complexity of relationships. ‘Single’ does not mean available or lonely. ‘Taken’ implies that relationships are only of a possessive kind, and that there is a normal standard all must obey. Relationships have never all worked only one way. Anyone can love many people, even simultaneously in the larger concept of the word.

Gentleness, Time, and Patience

These three blessings are important to heal the soul from wounds inflicted by bad relationships. Tenderness and vulnerability are aspects of love, that can be confused with weakness when given willingly, even from a position of power. Time heals, it is the waiting that can be a vicious bitch of pain and agony. talk about; and if you can find a way to appreciate what they like, then you can have a way of relating to them; vis-a-vis relations with them, which are needed for relationships.

Still further, if you can actually support and provide them with what they like in some ways; then every communication you have with them, even disappointing ones, will be backed and infused by a relationship of love. This kind of healthy co-dependence is not always possible with everyone, for many reasons. One of the strangest components of social division happens when one person’s food, medicine, practices or interests are considered poisonous by another.

My love comes from when i was very depressed and heart-broken years ago, and my female friends that love me taught me how to love the Goddess, like priestesses. When immersed in blissful love, the Goddess is a metaphor for caring about people despite any-thing else. Loving the concept of Goddess means being able to set aside problems with individuals, regardless of my relation to them, in order to function and have a desire to live life, not end it.

Self-Love is the best gift of all, because when it is not selfish it attracts others.

Self-Love can avoid narcissism by its sharing and healing capacity.

Selling or giving your mind and body to the service of another, is not just confined to prostitution or marriage; and when it is truly willing nor is it confined to slavery. Mythology about ‘soul selling’ also implies some kind of immortal permanence, but in reality the suggestion is symbolic, since we do not have more sight or power than the Fates, and the Devil is a lesser god at best. A great boss, mentor, and friend of mine was an Engineer named John. He had incredible jovial wisdom, and he said “we all prostitute ourselves in one way or another.” There are many types of relationships, and some-times they over-lap.

Enjoying art is similar to not allowing jealousy to ruin a relationship. It is not only ok to love your own work, but it is good to enjoy the art of others, as though it were your own; because it is loving and not jealous. Love is a good thing, when you don’t let all the shit get in the way. Heal from heart-break; don’t let hate destroy you, or ruin love. Love yourself, and love others as yourself. Love your-self, not in narcissism, but in peace and joy. Love yourself with a kind of nurturing that allows and promotes happiness and real love of others.

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“It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is: each the other’s opposite and complement.”              – Hermann Hesse

Respectful Love

“Love is when I am concerned with your relationship with your own life,

rather than with your relationship to mine.” – Stewart Emery

“It is possible to build a new civilization centered on love and life.” – Pope Francis 2001-2010

HF Prophecy 420

The Sun and the Moon love you, and you are them.

Dementalists will suffer from their own belief in Sin.

Progressives journey to the Moon and love that it is free.

Green Local produce grows on the far side of the reflection.

When I love the Sun & Moon, I am loving you and me.

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[ AUDIO Recording of this Essay ]

When i write about polyamory i feel very vulnerable, but i feel it is important to get more people thinking about what love really is. Some people are more asexual than sexual; but sexuality is not the definition of love or what it is to ‘love people’. Sexuality is a part of it, but for many relationships or partnerships it is not the defining factor. I write about polyamory because most people rarely take time to deeply think about what love means, with or without sex, in adult relationships. Love regardless of sex has always existed among many friends, family, and strangers in substantial ways without giving in to hatred, jealousy, and abuse. Our ability to have honest dialog takes at least two, and conflict resolution based on love does too.

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